Thrive with ADHD: Setting Boundaries Like a Boss

“No is a complete sentence.” This is one of my favorite sayings because it’s true, and yet it’s probably one of the hardest words for those of us with ADHD to get out of our mouths. Maybe it’s the people pleaser in us wanting to avoid conflict or the fear of rejection, but as a business owner, you need to get comfortable saying “no” more often. When we say yes to everything, we spread ourselves too thin, take on projects that drain our energy, and can even end up resenting our business. Learning to say “no” more often is one of the best ways to protect your time, energy, and passion for what you do.

Setting boundaries isn’t easy for anyone.  I’ll admit, I don’t struggle with saying “no” anymore—but that wasn’t always the case. I know what it feels like to avoid it, and I understand it’s a special kind of terrifying. Why? Enter Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria (RSD). RSD amplifies emotional reactions, and we feel things on a deeper level. What might be a normal level of feedback or constructive criticism to someone without ADHD, to us, feels like a dagger to the heart. There is some debate about whether RSD exists or is just overstimulation that causes emotional overwhelm. But whatever you call it, the result is the same: fear of rejection leads to conflict avoidance at all costs.

Why ADHD Makes Boundaries Hard

ADHD doesn’t make boundary-setting impossible, and not everyone with ADHD struggles the same way with the same executive functioning deficits, but it does make things complicated. Some reasons why:

• Fear of Rejection or Conflict: Thanks, RSD.

• Impulsivity: Saying yes before you’ve even thought about it.

• Perfectionism: Trying to please everyone at your own expense.

Why Boundaries Are Good for Everyone

Boundaries aren’t just good for your business. They’re good for your clients, too. Especially in service-based businesses where you’re often building 1:1 relationships with individuals. The lines between being “friends” and being friendly can get blurry. Boundaries provide:

• Improved Experience: Clear boundaries reduce confusion and build trust.

• Better Service: Your customers get your full attention when you stick to time boundaries.

• Fairness and Respect: Everyone’s on the same page, and customers secretly respect you for enforcing your rules.

The Boundaries Every Business Needs

Everyone needs boundaries, but if creating them sounds like an impossible task or you don’t know where to start, here are three boundaries every business needs. 

1. Communication Boundaries
   With clear and consistent communication boundaries, you don’t have to feel guilty for not responding to customer requests outside of work hours. Let clients know how to best contact you. Are you more likely to respond to a text vs. an email? Don’t respond to inquiries on weekends or before 8 am or after 9 pm? Let them know. Clarity here eliminates guilt and burnout.

2. Financial Boundaries
   Late payments and undervaluing your services can throw your business into chaos. Be clear about payment terms, enforce late fees, and know when you’ll offer discounts (spoiler: exposure doesn’t pay bills). Sure, some people may not like your policies, but those aren’t your people. The right clients value your work and happily pay your rates.

3. Behavioral Boundaries
   These can be awkward to enforce, but they’re crucial. Make what’s acceptable and what's not clear for your clients and yourself. It’s the best way to maintain professionalism and avoid being a doormat.

My First Boundary Win: The No-Show/Cancellation Policy

One of the earliest boundaries I learned to enforce as a brand-new massage therapist was my cancellation/no-show policy. My policy stated that you needed to give me 24 hours notice of a cancellation, or you would be charged for the full-service amount, which must be paid before you were allowed to rebook. Let me tell you, nothing ruffles the feathers of both massage therapists and the general public like a full payment cancellation policy. Some viewed it as excessive and thought I should charge less or not charge anything at all. There are two problems with that line of thinking. Number one, as a self-employed service provider, if I didn’t work, I didn’t get paid and while there are always exceptions to the rule, if I let every no-show or late cancellation slide I would have gone out of business quickly. Number two, it allowed others to determine the value of my services. I am a firm believer that no-one should ever decide how much value you bring to the table. Also, by establishing this policy from the very beginning, I created an understanding that my massage practice was a business, not a hobby–it’s how I made a living.

A Boundary That Impressed: The No-Tipping Policy

Then there was my no-tipping policy. I’d tell clients, “Although I appreciate the gesture, my rates reflect the value of my service, so tipping isn’t necessary.” New clients loved this! It set clear expectations for both of us. They appreciated knowing that my service fee covered everything and didn’t feel pressured to pay more. It eliminated the awkwardness of wondering if they should tip. Did they tip too much? Not enough? For the business, it created opportunities for more revenue because it encouraged them to book more often, which was far more valuable than a random $20 tip. I even had a script for the inevitable pushback: I’d thank them and reassure them that my rate was sufficient, and if they still insisted, I applied it to their next session. It wasn’t just about the money but about making enforcement easy and taking the emotional weight off my shoulders.

Simple Strategies for Boundaries That Work

Setting boundaries can feel like climbing Mt. Everest, especially when ADHD makes task initiation a struggle. Emotional dysregulation can also play a major role in boundary avoidance, amplifying feelings of fear or discomfort around potential conflict. Recognizing this can help you approach boundary-setting with more self-compassion and a clearer plan. But you don’t have to do it all at once. By starting small and using simple strategies, you can build momentum and create boundaries that actually stick.

1. Delay Strategies: Take a deep breath before saying yes. Count to five or say, “Let me think about it.” This gives you time to assess your capacity.

2. Visual Cues: Post-it notes or reminders in your CRM are lifesavers. Write down key policies so you don’t forget.

3. Templates: Have pre-written scripts for common scenarios, like enforcing a cancellation policy or declining requests. They take the guesswork out of tough conversations. Prepare responses for situations like late payments or scope creep. Knowing exactly what to say removes the stress of thinking on the spot.

Flexibility vs. Rigidity

Those of us with ADHD aren’t exactly known for our mental flexibility. I call this “rock brain,” and for some of us, once we get it in our heads that the rules are black and white, any deviation is a violation of the Geneva Convention. But boundaries aren’t walls. They’re more like a fence with a gate. Decide on a case-by-case basis where you can bend. My general rule was that if the 24-hour notice violation was for something outside the client’s control, I wouldn’t charge them. After all, life is anything but predictable. Knowing when to be flexible is about respect, not punishment.

The Bottom Line

Setting boundaries isn’t fun— whether you have ADHD or not. It’s awkward and scary, and people will push back. But in the long run, boundaries make you a better business owner, service provider, and human. 

So here’s your challenge: pick one boundary you’ve been hesitant to set and take the leap. Whether it’s saying no to weekend work or sticking to your cancellation policy, start small and watch how much lighter you feel. Remember, boundaries aren’t just a line in the sand—they’re a way to protect your energy, your time, and your sanity. And trust me, future you will thank you for it.